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The Dog in the Closet 
The Dog in the Closet 
There was an old farmer near London did dwell, He had a handsome wife and she loved the hatter well, The old farmer got jealous not without a cause It was the young hatter that gave him the cause
 So it was. 
The old farmer went out for to drink with his friends When straightway for the young hatter she sends The hours of pleasure soon being past The old farmer came home found his doors all fast
 So he did 
Now see what the wit of a woman can do, She says in the closet I will hide you, Here in the closet you keep still And you'll be as safe as a mouse in the mill
 So you will 
She put him in the closet and gave him a kiss Which made the old farmer think something was amiss An around to the closet he straightway did make But no notice of the hatter the farmer did take
 No he didn't. 
But he locked up the door and secured the key He swore the young hatter starved should be, He swore the young hatter should starve in his den Till he had collected five or six men
 So he should, 
Now the young hatter was in a tight place He strove to get out but it was all in vain It would make a dog laugh to hear him complain And beg of his mistress his freedom to gain
 So it would 
Now the young hatter he made such a fouse She tried every key she could find in the house At length she found one that would open the door And give the young hatter his freedom once more
 So she did 
She says to the hatter before you go home I'll tell you of a project I have thought on When my husband comes home I shall expect some disgrace Therefore I will put our old dog in your place
 So I will 
The old farmer came home in the middle of the night He says now my friends I will show you a sight Here is my wife's gallant I swear by the key He has been a-starving all this long day
 So he has. 
He opened the door and the dog he ran out Which caused them all for to laugh and to shout, Jesting and joking all went on They swore he didn't know a dog from a man
 No he didn't 
O my dearest wife will you pardon me now And I will always love you I swear and I vow And if any one disturbs you I'll cause them to quake For its on my dearest wife how a man may mistake
 So he may 
From The New Green Mountain Songster, Harkness et al Collected from Mrs. Altie Dean Sanders, Mount Holly VT Tune not supplied; sings well to Villikens and his Dinah, with the last line of each verse spoken RG 
DT #523 Laws Q11 oct96